


Welcome Into My Home, My Heart and, My Life

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Dwarf Culture & Customs, Fluff, Freeform, Future BAMF Bilbo, M/M, Marriage, Possible Food Porn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-14 00:10:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3401249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mr Bilbo Baggins, of The Shire, considered himself a respectful Hobbit and, a gentleman. Not one to go off adventuring or gossiping or even one to turn away an uninvited guest from his door. So when faced with a large, fierce, warrior of dwarf ... what does Bilbo Baggins do? Invites him in and offers him food, in hopes that he will eat the food on offer and, leave as soon as possible. However, he gets a lot more than he bargained for ...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome To My Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic so please be nice, thank you :3  
> I do not own The Hobbit or it's characters, I do not promote copyright material. This is just my individual work of fanfiction and nothing more. 
> 
> So I've decided to move the timeline around a bit and, have Dwalin arrive the day before everyone else. As to give him and Bilbo some time to get to know each other first before the flood of Dwarves hits his house. I've also decided to flip backwards and forwards between perspectives.  
> Hope you enjoy it! :D

Dwalin believed himself an honorable and noble dwarf. A soldier to the royal house of Durin and cousin to the exiled king under the mountain, Thorin Oakenshield. But for the life of him he could not imagine that: in all of the towns, in all of the cities on Mahal's diamond encrusted earth would they find a burglar of any sorts in "The Shire". (I mean look at them) Dwalin thought to himself as three halflings ran past him, murmuring to themselves about "big folk" and "scary looking" and, Dwalin's favorite "dangerous".To Dwalin's mind at least, the only burglar they were likely find in a place like this is someone who "tea leaves" penny sweets from the corner shop.

Walking further down the dirt and flower bordered path, he spotted the illusive green door marked with a blue glowing rune and marched straight up the stone stairs, ready to great whoever was behind that door. (Now remember, keep an open mind about this) Dwalin thought to himself raising his fist to the door, (after all we've been proven wrong before).

 

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Bilbo Baggins of Bag End concided himself respectful, dignified and honorable member of the community of Hobbitton. Despite what the gossipers may claim otherwise. No, Bilbo enjoyed the simple things in life, such as: gardening, walking, he'd once even made it all the way to Bree, baking, breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, just eating in general. And of coarse having guests over for tea and scones, even uninvited guests were welcome. Even his "lovely" and "charming" cousin Lobelia Sackville-Baggins, who had a habit of accidentally dropping one of his silver knives or forks into her ham bag or up her sleeves and even once, in her hair. 

So when Gandalf the wandering wizard turned up on his door step , he'd got quiet a surprise, after all he had not seen Gandalf since he was a child at old Took's midsummer eve party. He remembered fondly the fireworks that had bloomed in the sky above them into beautiful flowers of all shapes and sizes.  Snapdragons, daisy, roses and all manner of flowers, some even he could not name.

"Oh! Gandalf, is that you?"Bilbo had called to the wanderer, laying down his pipe on the bench, he ran down the stone steps to great the wizard.

"Why Bilbo Baggins, just the hobbit I wanted to see." Gandalf greeted cheerfully, smiling down at the hobbit, a friendly twinkle glistened in his aged eyes. "How are you, my good fellow?"

"I am well, Gandalf. "Bilbo replied, "How are you?"

"I am happy to see you Bilbo however, as to how I am," Gandalf seamed to think for a while on his answer before saying "You know ... I'm not quiet sure myself."

"Oh?" Bilbo mumbled staring Gandalf, wondering in his head if Gandalf had gone senile or whether he had always been this unsure of his  own mind set.

"Well in any case, the reason I am here is to ask you if you would be interested in going on an adventure?"Gandalf seamed to put a lot of importance on the word "adventure", importance that Bilbo's large pointed ears picked up on instantly.

"As nice as that ... err ... sounds I can't possibly go off adventuring. After all I have so much stuff to do and things to prepare for. " Bilbo bumbled, "Especially since my strawberries are almost ripe for picking and I have to wash my windows before Thursday." Bilbo then with new found confidence, placed his thumbs on the inside of his waistcoat armpits and puffed out his chest. "I am having the counsel of elders around for elevenses." After a moments pause Bilbo removed his thumbs from where they had been and instead stuffed them self-consciously into his pockets. "Well ... erm ... your more than welcome to come in for tea and maybe some jam roly poly, if you wish?" Bilbo then gestured towards his round, freshly painted, green door.

"No, thank you." Declined Gandalf politely before smiling, mischievously. "I will however, inform the others of where to find you and I will see you later."

"Others?!" Bilbo shout after the wizard, who was now a grey blot on the landscape.

"It'll do you the world of good!" Gandalf shouted back before disappearing over a hill.

"Others?" Bilbo queried to himself, rubbing his chin, thoughtfully. "Ah well, "leave wizards to their work" as my father used to say." Bilbo then turn around, marched up his stone steps and paused for just a moment, staring over the rolling hills; trying to pick out a grey spot moving towards Bree. However, there was no wizard insight. So with that in mind, Bilbo open the door to "Bag End" and closed it with a smart click behind him. He then went off to busy himself with a cup of tea and a slice of his delicious jam roly poly pudding which had a cm thick layer of raspberry jam inside a light and airy sponge, a breadcrumb thin layer of caster sugar sat atop the outside of the pudding. To his slice, or two, Bilbo added a dollop of heavy whipping cream. Bilbo then ate the pudding, a large and satisfied grind bore across his face and the notions of "adventuring" and of "grey wizards" disappeared from his thoughts.

Unbeknownst to Bilbo in the kitchen, there was strange noise coming from the other side of his door. The noise could only be described as a nail being scrapped along an empty wooden chest. And then an eye, singular but with purpose starred through the window search for something or someone before it and, presumably the thing that had created that strange noise had gone with it.

 

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Dwalin rapped with purpose on the round, green door and waited for it to be answered. Turning around, he noticed a carved wooden pipe sat on a bench with no owner and, half of it's content spilled onto the bench or blown by the light wind in the air onto the flower beds behind. Dwalin then heard a decisive click of a door opening and turn to greet his host. "Dwalin, at your service." He bowed to the hobbit in the doorway, he'd notice to his amusement that the hobbit was wearing nothing but some flimsy looking flannel short, a vest and a patchwork dressing gown. He also wondered to himself if the lad often answered the door in his underwear. Raising his bowed head to take in the hobbit fully, he also noticed a large lack of a beard that was rather unsettling, in his general opinion. However, to Dwalin delight he had golden, honey coloured curls, cascading down to just above his shoulder. 

Personally for Dwalin, he had always had a fascination with golden curls, long short, short. Ever since Ruby Carver had curled her beautiful golden hair that late summer seventy year ago now and, Dwalin had clamped eyes on them he'd always had a special place in his heart for them. But until now he had never felt that way about them regarding another male before.

"Oh!"the hobbit fumbled to close his dressing gown before tying it tightly around his slightly round waist line. "Bilbo Baggins, at yours."

Dwalin blinked out of his thoughts just in time to heard his name and discided that the best coaurse of action was to distract himself. "Is it down here laddie?" He asked removing his pack and tossing it to one side as he enter the house.

"Is what, sorry?"Bilbo asked, watching as muddy footprints caked his nice clean floorboards.

"Supper!" Dwalin answered hungrily, sniffing at the air (smells like freshly cooked perch). Dwalin moistened his lips with his tongue.

"Oh! Your hungry!" Bilbo chirped in understanding before passing Dwalin. "Follow me." 

   


	2. Welcome To My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dwalin ate ... and ate ... and ate ... and well, what could he say. It wasn't his fault, it just tasted so damn good. And if it hadn't tasted this good, he would have stopped at the fish and, drank himself full, instead. But this ... well. Dwalin decided that the best way to show his appreciation to his welcoming host, was to "pay him a compliment".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who have made it to chapter two. And to those who have liked it so far. :P  
> Shameless food porn incoming! Take your senses and run!  
> And fluff, lots of fluff.  
> Please enjoy and feel free to leave comments and suggestions. :3

Bilbo paste himself as he walked the dwarf to his kitchen, suppressing his legs and feet from running for their lives. After all, just because his guest felt the need to carry weapons with him, it didn't mean he was dangerous. Just paranoid that's all. If Bilbo ran from every visitor that came to his hobbit hole, he would not make a very good host at all. (And that Bilbo, my lad is what your good at) Bilbo thought to himself (Just keep breathing and, hope our guest goes sometime soon). Bilbo held open the door to the kitchen "After you, master dwarf."

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Making his way past the hobbit, Dwalin enter the rather large, kitchen. And to his joy and his stomach's great relief, there on the table sat a dish of cooked perch, laying on a bed of cabbage and next to it sat, boiled new potatoes with butter melting it's way down their sides. Taking in the aroma, Dwalin gave a contented sigh before siting down at the table and, began eating. The scales and flesh flaked away easy from the fish when Dwalin probed it with his fork, bringing a forkful to his eagerly awaiting mouth, Dwalin bite down. He groaned. The scales gave a soft crackle as if it had been caramelized, the flesh was so soft, tender and flavorsome; taking on a lemony smell and taste. The potatoes sliced with ease but still had good bite to them rather than reducing to mush in his mouth, the butter added the salty and creamy taste the potatoes lacked in an equal balance. The cabbage had been boiled lightly as to not lose it's flavour and had had olive oil drizzle briefly over it. Dwalin hadn't tasted anything this good since ... well it must have been before the fall of Erebor. (Mahal, had it really been that long ago) Dwalin paused for a moment before turning to his host. "Got anymore?"

"Oh, yes."the hobbit bumbled before handing over a tray of four, golden brown bread rolls and, a pat of butter to accompany them. Sawing one of the rolls in half with his knife, he noted the pure white, cloud of dough he had uncovered before spreading a thin layer of butter on top. When he bite down on the butter roll, he was rewarded with a satisfactory crunch, the smooth, unblemished surface gave way to cracks along it's back; much like an hard boiled egg when hit with a spoon. 

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Bilbo watched as the dwarf ripped through the bread rolls hungrily, making short work of them. Now, usually Bilbo would have been annoyed by the dwarf who had not only: come to his house uninvited, had trodden dirt into his home and had wolfed down Bilbo's supper without asking before hand if he could. But all that frustration and annoyance had left him when he had noticed the dwarf's belt. It had two new notches to it and the buckle was fastened on the tightest notch. That did not sit well with Bilbo. Yes, the dwarf ... what was his name ... Dwalin had been an uninvited guest and yes, he had dirtied up his floor and, had eaten his supper without so much of a "by your leave" but he couldn't still stay mad at him. After all, who knew how long the poor dwarf had gone without a decent meal for, maybe weeks or even months or Yavanna knows, even years. That settled it for Bilbo, as he excused himself and headed for the pantry.

In the pantry, Bilbo made a mental checklist of all the things he would need: Self raising flour, caster sugar, butter, milk and ... did he want to use raisins or not ... he wasn't sure. In the end, Bilbo decided to make a batch with and without raisins. After all his guest seamed old enough to pick and choose for himself and, any leftovers he could have for second breakfast tomorrow. He smiled brightly to himself and headed back to the kitchen, where Dwalin was on his last bread roll.

Bilbo heated his oven ready and found his mothers old mixing bowl. To Bilbo at least, the old mixing bowl had always reminded him of an upside down turtle shell due to it's shape and pattern. He chuckled to himself as he sifted the flour and sugar together then having cubed the butter beforehand, added it to the bowl. Then rubbing the flour and sugar mixture into the butter, he started forming breadcrumbs. Making a well in the center, he slowly poured in the milk, bringing the mixture in a slightly sticky dough. Dusting his work surface with flour, Bilbo placed he dough down, using his hands to flatten it to about an inch thickness. With his circular cutter in the washing and feeling a bit lazy, Bilbo pulled down a mug from his shelf and, used that to puncture holes in the flattened dough. Placing the circles onto a parchment lined tray, Bilbo offered them up to his oven.

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Dwalin sat unashamedly, eating crumbs that had got stuck in his long black beard. He didn't care if he may look pitiful to people from the outside that food had been damn delicious and, a damn sight better than what he had been used to. And from what he could smell  and see he was in for more. You know it was funny, all those years after Erebor fell to the blasted "worm" both he and Thorin and, countless others had to work doubly hard just to get some bread for the table and, to keep a roof over their heads. But now here he was, sat in a warm kitchen with of food and a gracious host. Dwalin didn't care that ... what was it ... Bilbo, that right Bilbo, wasn't burglar material, they should ask him to join them anyway.  After all, in Dwalin's opinion anyway, Bilbo had many other more useful and fascinating assets. (I mean Mahal look at them) Dwalin look fondly at the hobbit's rounded backside (There's a backside you could rest your tankard on). Now Dwalin was a well traveled dwarf, he'd seen dwarves with their stone cut shapes of harsh right angles and muscles, elves with there slim and fragile looking forms and, men who had been a mixture of both but had always been too damn tall for Dwalin liking. But here stood a creature, not only shorter than Dwalin but he also had curves that he wouldn't mind running his hands up and down. He chuckled to himself and shook his head. What would his brother think of him fantasizing about someone he didn't even know. Ah well, Balin wasn't and he was alone with the hobbit. Wait ... he was alone with the hobbit. He was alone with Bilbo. Well, he could always try some moves on him, see where it gets him. After all, all relationships have to start somewhere, don't they? 

So with this in mind Dwalin raised himself from his seat at the table and, crossed the tiled floor to where Bilbo was, his back turned to him, busying himself with his baking. Taking in a deep breath, Dwalin lowered his hand and grasped hold of Bilbo's round but firm backside, with what he hoped was a gentle hand. And was shocked by how soft it was and how well it molded to his hand.

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Bilbo bolted upright when he felt the hand on his backside. It stunned him for a moment when the hand began squeezing, lifting and pulling his right butt cheek. His face flushed red but, and he did not know why, he did not remove himself from the hand that was holding him nor; did he protest against it. Instead he felt his body relaxing into Dwalin's touch. It was strange. Unusual even. But it also felt so good. And maybe it was the lonely days and nights he'd seen for years after his parents passing. Or maybe it was his inexperience when it came to being intimate with someone. But whatever it was, it made him want more.

So turning to Dwalin and squashing down the part of his brain her referred to as his "Baggins Side" that screamed of "scandal" and "what would the neighbors think?!". And instead, he looked Dwalin in eyes. Closed his eyes and pushed his lips together.  Seconds later, he felt a hand in his curls, tilting his head sideways before feeling rough but moistened lips pressing against his. He let out a soft moan as a tongue licked his top and bottom lip, inviting him to open his mouth. Their tongues collided, tangling themselves in one another, grasping and tasting as they explored their individual mouths. He heard Dwalin groan into his mouth before removing his tongue, Bilbo's tongue seaming to be having withdrawals for the love of his new partner.

Bilbo panted, his face crimson with embarrassment, he must have come across as so desperate to Dwalin, he was glad none of his relatives had been there to see him. Mind you, knowing his Took side of the family they would probably embarrass him by cheering him on. No the only people he worried about finding out was his cousin Lobelia and her group of gossip mongers.

"Your not bad, you know."Came Dwalin's gruff voice, placing his hands on Bilbo's waist. "Not bad at all. Especially for your first time."

"Wait, how did you know it was my time?"Bilbo gasped, now flustered.

Dwalin smiled at him "You had plenty of motivation and energy but you need to work on your techniques." He then chuckled before tapping his forehead gently against Bilbo's. Bilbo did not know what the forehead tapping was about but the two things he did know for certain was: 1. He wanted to know more about Dwalin and his purpose here and 2. He wanted to rescue his scones from the oven before they court.


	3. Welcome To My Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo sat and thought through his options, carefully. He could stay at "Bag End" and never know true love again and forever be judged on his "Oddities". Or he could marry a dwarf he barely knew and run off with him and his fellow dwarves to rescue their kingdom from a dragon that may or may not be dead. How do you choose?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'd like to say thank you to the guys and gals who have liked this so far, you guys are awesome! ;)
> 
> A little bit life conversation and then ... shameless ... shameless smut.
> 
> I'm going with something similar to elves when it comes to marriage with dwarves but giving it more symbolism and ... erm ... you'll see. ;D

"Thank Yavanna." Bilbo gasped as he carefully lifted the nicely golden scones out of the oven. "Crisis avert." He smiled, placing the the tray on the stove and leaving them to cool.

"Smells good."Dwalin growled into Bilbo's ear, sending shivers down Bilbo spine. Bilbo then with care he lowered the raisin scones into his oven before removing his oven mitts.

"So Dwalin, why don't you tell us about yourself while we wait for the scones to cool." Bilbo suggested as he ran his dish cloth under the cold tap.

Dwalin sat down on a nearby chair with a sigh, "Not much to tell really."

"Oh come, there must be something, friends, family?" Bilbo probed wringing his cloth into the sink before rubbing his work surface down with quick, circular motions.

"You really want to know?"Dwalin asked, raising an eyebrow. Bilbo nodded walking over to Dwalin and, even though it was considered bad manners, he climbed onto the table and sat down, his hair covered feet swinging merrily. Dwalin harrumphed "Well there's my older brother Balin, now if you ever meet him, don't be fooled by his mild manners and his friendly outwards appearance. He's a warrior born and bred and quick witted with it. Once I saw him slay five orcs in three seconds flat! I mean my reaction time is pretty damn good but ... well ... "Dwalin shrugged pausing for a second before adding, "But er ... don't tell him I said that, he'd never let me live it down."

Bilbo chuckled to himself and smiled at Dwalin. "Don't worry Dwalin, you secrets safe with me."

"Well, anyway ... I don't really have many in the way of friends, there's my brother and my two cousins Thorin Oakenshield and, his sister Dis. That's it really. Guess I'm not really a "friends" person."Dwalin stated matter o factually.

"Oh no, I don't think that's it,"Bilbo interjected, hopping down from the table, "I think others just find you hard to approach, I mean look at you."

"So you're saying I'm ugly."Dwalin frowned, looking down at his tattooed hands.

"You misunderstand me,"Bilbo flustered pulling the raisin scones from the oven "I mean your axes and the knuckledusters and ... is that a hammer?" Bilbo indicated with his head, he then turned back to slicing open two scones before spreading a thin layer of jam across the soft and crumb like surface. "No, I think you're not ugly at all. You're like a splash of colour in a rather grey and boring existence. Like a singular flower, blooming in an empty field." Bilbo had to bite his tongue and, hold onto his work surface to stop himself from collapsing to ground in fits of laughter at the very notion of picking a flower that looked like Dwalin. 

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Dwalin crinkled his brow, (he was not a flower, flowers withered when things got harsh were as he carried on).

"Though personally,"Bilbo began holding a scone in both hand, "I think you're rather exciting, I mean how many people do you see walking through here with a beard or piercings or tattoos." Bilbo blushed scarlet, passing Dwalin a scone before sitting back down on the table.

Exciting! Well that was a first. Dwalin hadn't heard that one before. "Dangerous", "Scary" even "monstrous" but never "exciting". Dwalin smiled up at Bilbo, the hobbit seamed to glow in the lantern light. "Come on, your turn." Dwalin insisted "I've told you about my family and friends, tell me about your's."

"Oh I couldn't tell you about my family, we'd be here all week."

"Then tell me the basics."

"Well in that case,"Bilbo took a deep breath and began, "Well first, there's my mothers side of the family the Tooks: adventurous, mischievous and generally very outgoing and outspoken hobbits. And they are usually a very friendly and lively bunch. Then there is my father side of the family ... the Baggigses." 

Dwalin starred in shock as Bilbo hungrily devoured the scone he had been holding in two large bites. "I ... er take it you don't get along with your fathers side, then?"

Bilbo nodded, scone filling his checks before swallowing. "They are so pride filled and snobbish, what with their proper hobbit standards and worst of all are those Sackville-Baggins. Lobelia, lording herself over me, her and her ilk talking about me like I wasn't worth the name Baggins." Bilbo wrinkled his nose as if he had stepped in something rather nasty. "As for friends ... I guess my only real friend is good old Hamfast Gamgee." At Dwalin's raised brow Bilbo added, "He's my neighbor, he comes over once a week to help out in my garden. And sometimes he brings round some of his moonshine for me to try." Bilbo smiled fondly.

"It must be boring and lonely, all by yourself."Dwalin looked over the hobbit with concern in his eyes.

"Well, I wouldn't say boring ..." Bilbo protested, folding his arms.

"But lonely?"Dwalin cut through. Bilbo looked down at his feet and then  closed his eyes and,looked away. Dwalin pushed himself up so he was sat on the table besides Bilbo, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and bringing close. Then suddenly, an idea jumped into mind and screamed at him. Turning Bilbo by his shoulders to face him, Dwalin all but shouted "Run away with me, leave this place ... originally, I was sent here to see if you were a decent burglar, so you could help us rescue our kingdom from a dragon." Bilbo starred at him with confused eyes. "Er ... it's a long story but the point is I'd appreciate you and love you and, even if we didn't defeat the dragon, it'd be an adventure."

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Bilbo looked Dwalin up and down, he took a deep breath and stated that he needed time to think. Walking to the front door, closely followed by Dwalin, he pulled on his coat over his dressing gown and, ventured outside. To Bilbo's surprise the sun had long since gone down and the stars had come out from their hiding places in the midnight sky. Walking down his garden path, he spotted his carved wooden pipe he had misplaced the day before and, here it was sat on his bench ; half of it tobacco spilled out and some even had managed to cover parts of his flower bed. Picking the pipe up off the seat, he stuffed what could be salvaged of the leaf and with a box of matches, light it.

Sending a smoke ring flying through the sky, Bilbo thought over all his options. He could say no and stay in The Shire for the rest of his, lonely life in hopes of finding love again, someday ... maybe. Or his other option was to go off on an adventure with a dwarf he barely knew and, possibly be eaten by a dragon that may or may not still be alive. How did you choose?

Bilbo walked up the path to his front door, knocking he opened to see Dwalin waiting patiently on the other side. "It would cause quiet a scandal ... I mean an unwed hobbit running off with a bunch of dwarves."

Dwalin smiled, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "Then I guess I'll have to marry you then."

Bilbo then closed the door again and went to smoke and, think a bit more. (I wounder what it would be like married to a dwarf) Bilbo sent out another smoke ring which pirouetted down the path that headed to Bree. Heading back to the door, Bilbo knocked and was once again greeted by Dwalin, "I don't think I could kill a dragon."

"I don't think I could, either." Dwalin agreed with a shrug. "But I wont let them make you do something you're not comfortable with, I'll fight them all off if I have to."

Bilbo walked through the doorway into Bag End, pulling off his coat and hanging it back up on it's peg, Bilbo turned to Dwalin and said "Okay, I'll marry and run away with you."

Dwalin pulled Bilbo into his arms and pressed their lips together, one hand traveled up working it's way through the mass of golden curls; twisting them gently around his fingers, his other hand decided south was a good direction and soon found his backside, massaging circles into it. When Dwalin finally let Bilbo gasp in some air, they seperated and headed back to the kitchen to talk "wedding plans".

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Dwalin ate the the jam filled scone he had left of the table while Bilbo poured himself and Dwalin a cup of tea. The scone, though golden on the outside was a light cream colour on the inside and it crumpled in his mouth with ease. And the jam, strawberry he believed, was slightly tart. "So, how do hobbits marry?" Dwalin mumbled through a mouthful of scone.

"Oh, well first we would need to ask the head of the Took and Baggins family for their blessing then we would need to find someone to marry us and then we'd have to have a ceremony where we'd have to invite everyone."

"That sounds like a lot of time and running around to me." 

"Okay, how do dwarves marry?"Bilbo question, taking a sip of his tea.

"We have sex."Dwalin replied simply, grinning from ear to ear at Bilbo's scandalized face.

"R ... really?"

"That right, though it's given a name that suggests something grander, "The right of marriage"  but what it boils down to is having sex three times: once in the front doorway to represent you welcoming them into your home, once in the kitchen to represent you welcoming them into your heart and finally, once in the bedroom to welcome them into your life. The only catch being it has to be preform on the same day." Dwalin explained.

"I can understand the first one but how does the kitchen equal my heart and, my bedroom equal my life?" Bilbo asked setting down his tea cup and listening carefully.

"Well I'm not sure if it's true of your traditions but to us dwarves the kitchen is consider the heart of the home and as for the bedroom, why it's synonymous with life is because traditionally that where babies are born and, if you had been a women it would also represent fertility." Dwalin looked at Bilbo's wide eyes that looked like they could explode any second. "Are you sure you still wanna get married?"

"Oh yes, of course I do but Dwalin I ... er ... need to tell you something ..." Bilbo wobbled, pushing his forefingers together. "I ... I've never ... I'm still a ..."

"Your a virgin?" Bilbo nodded, face bright red. Dwalin stood up and gently tapped their foreheads together and kissed his flushed cheek, "Don't worry, I be gentle." Bilbo did not say anything but nodded. Dwalin took his hand and walked him to his front where he opened it up to the midnight sky above. Laying Bilbo down in the doorway, his top half laying in Bag End and hit bottom half resting on his front door step, Dwalin untied the dressing gown. Then carefully, he removed the flannel shorts throwing them past Bilbo and into Bag End. Pushing open Bilbo's legs, he spotted Bilbo's member and Mahal, it was a lot bigger than what he was expecting; moving Bilbo's thighs he notice the tight looking anus in between his two favorite butt checks and, lathering up his favourite pointing finger with his saliva, he then slowly pushed his way inside Bilbo. It felt soft and warm but at the same time it was tighter than Gloin was at lending money.

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Bilbo gasped, grabbing the door frame with both hands. He could feel the slimy finger pushing in and out of him, probing deep inside him. Every now and then it would pull all the way out of him and run itself around his anus, teasing him before pushing slowly back inside, all the way up to the knuckle. After a while he felt his hips slowly moving up and down to meet the fingers rhythm.  He heard Dwalin chuckle and felt the finger pull out once more but did not feel return. Lifting his head up, he saw Dwalin lining something long and thick against his anus. (Yavanna above that's his member! It's much too big! It'll rip me in two.)Bilbo felt it rubbing against his entrance then slowing, it pushed it's way inside him, stretching him open. He clenched his teeth together as his nails scrapped into the door frame, his back arched upwards and, his legs shot into the air his feet flexing up into the sky above. "Do you want me to stop?"Dwalin asked tentatively, noticing Bilbo's pained expression. Bilbo did not trust himself to speak, so he shook his head that "no" he did not want Dwalin to stop. (Just keep breathing Bilbo, that's it). Like the finger before it, Dwalin's member pulled almost all the way out before pushing it's way back inside Bilbo, causing his breath to hitch and, his toes to scrunch up. He could hear Dwalin's labored breathes and felt Dwalin's member stiffening inside. "Bilbo, I'm cumming." Dwalin ground out through his teeth. Dwalin kept up the steady pace for a little bit longer until he couldn't hold anymore and came, growling, loudly. Bilbo flung his head and moaned as warm seed filled him.

He laid there for some time, panting harshly, Dwalin bent over him then pushing against Bilbo's thighs, he stood, his member slippping out of Bilbo's warmth, seed dripping onto the front step. "Can you stand or do you want me to carry?" Concern flooding Dwalin's every word. (The lad was a virgin after all, he didn't want to push him). Bilbo did not answer him but instead rolled onto his front and then with effort pushed himself to his feet and made his way to the kitchen.  


	4. The Final Steps In A Leap Of Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo Lay on Dwalin's chest, utterly shattered. It had been a long and exhausting day and, one that Bilbo new he wouldn't shortly forget. Especially because he'd be walking funny for a while, damn his over enthusiasm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for: the 500+ hits, the 24 kudos, the 4 bookmarks and, my 15 lovely subscribers.  
> Special thanks to the guys in the comments section for their feedback.  
> You guys and gals are all amazing. 8D  
> Feel free to leave comments and suggestions in the comments section.
> 
> Smut, Ahoy! Abandon ship!  
> This chapter is going to be short because yesterday's chapter took a lot of time to write.  
> But I promise tomorrows chapter will be longer with plenty of food porn and a giant fluff monster heading this way.

Dwalin watched Bilbo walk to the kitchen with a slight limp to his stride. (I thought I was being gentle, hope I haven't hurt him) Dwalin hovered his hands around Bilbo's waist, ready to catch him if he fell. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine Dwalin, really. Just a bit winded is all." Bilbo stated, smiling. "I'll be alright."

"But you would tell me if I hurt you, wouldn't you?"Dwalin had hear of creatures, be they: elf, men or Mahal forbid dwarves, who thought it was okay to hurt those they apparently "loved". It boiled Dwalin's bones to marrow thinking about it. And the last thing he wanted was for sweet, loving Bilbo to think he was one of "them".

"Of course I would." Bilbo pushed himself up onto his tiptoes and place a soft kiss on the end of Dwalin's nose. That got the dwarf smiling. "Now, no more of that I'd like to get on with it and, get a well earned rest, afterwards." Pulling Dwalin along by his hand, together they entered the kitchen.

"Maybe we should try a different position. Spice things up a bit. It might help you to breath better, too." Dwalin suggested, moving some of the chairs, to give them more space. Bilbo stared up at Dwalin, perplexed (there were other positions?) He'd only heard of one.

"I'm not doing acrobatics."Bilbo stated, flatly. He didn't have very good balance, he remembered as a child being teased because he couldn't preform a simple handstand, let alone a cartwheel. 

Dwalin Roared with laughter. He couldn't help it, it was the funniest thing he'd heard in years. Here the lad was after just loosing his virginity and, already he was talking about "acrobatics".  "Don't worry Bilbo, I think "acrobatics" are a bit too advanced for you, just yet." chuckle, "No, no what I meant getting you down on all fours, that sort of thing."

"Oh. Well that's different then." Bilbo then got down on his hands and knees and waited for Dwalin to join him. Dwalin grinned at Bilbo's eagerness before getting down on his knees. Taking Bilbo's waist in one and his member in the other, Dwalin began to massage it into hardening. Then hard as the rock he had apparently been formed from, Dwalin pushed inside. Just like before, Bilbo was warm but tight however, for Dwalin it was a lot easier for him to push backwards and forwards, due to the seed from last and, he hoped at least it was easier on Bilbo. Getting a firm grasp on Bilbo's waist, he picked up a gentle rhythm, Bilbo's soft rump bouncing against his thigh.

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Bilbo moaned as Dwalin slid inside him, his backside twinged slightly as it was once again stretched open. Being pushed forwards and pulled back onto the hard member, Bilbo began to pace his breathing, (In and out, that's it Bilbo, breath) Bilbo thought to himself. Gripping the tiles, Bilbo started panting heavy. He felt hot. And getting hotter, like a sudden fever had hit him. Slumping down onto his elbows, Bilbo panted harder, pressing his forehead against the cool kitchen tile. He didn't care that to the outside world he looked like he was doing an impression of a overweight dog going for it's first walk in years. Nor did he care that he was drooling like a mad hobbit. He just wanted to cool down.

Bilbo brought his head back as he felt the rhythm quickening and Dwalin's member stiffening inside of him. It was then that he noticed a strange feeling in his groin. Looking down between his legs, Bilbo hadn't notice how hard he'd gotten. Bright red in the face, Bilbo turn to look a Dwalin over his shoulder. "Dwalin ... I think ... I think I'm cumming." He managed to gasp in between his manic panting.

"I think I'm gonna cum too, Bilbo." Dwalin called back, sweat running down his face. "Try and hold on a little bit longer, Bilbo." Bilbo gasped as Dwalin quickened his pace, Bilbo's backside making an audible slapping sound against Dwalin's thighs. He felt himself stiffening ready to explode and felt his anus tightening around Dwalin's member. 

"I can't ... I can't ... I'm ... I'm cumming!"Bilbo screamed, feeling some of his warm leave him as his seed spilled out onto floor. Suddenly, he heard Dwalin moan and was once again filled with his hot and sticky seed, excess dribbling down his inside legs. Slumping all the way onto the floor, so that only his backside still stood, Bilbo tried to regain a sensible breathing pattern. 

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Dwalin leaned down and peppered Bilbo's back with kisses before collapsing on top of the poor hobbit. "Bilbo ... you're ... amazing."

"And you're heavy."Bilbo panted back.

"Oh, sorry." Dwalin didn't know how he managed it but he pulled himself out of Bilbo and then lay on his back on the cool and, welcoming kitchen floor. Looking over at Bilbo; he pushed away the curls that blocked his sight of Bilbo's face and, gently caressed his cheek. "You still okay?"

Bilbo nodded. "I'll be fine once I get my breath back."

"Do you think you can still walk, cause my offer of carrying you is still on the cards if you want?"

"If you promise not to drop me."

"I would never drop you." Dwalin scowled. "Even if I was in a drunken stupor." 

"Okay, I think I'm ready, if your ready?"

Dwalin beamed, rolling Bilbo onto his back, he scooped him up and carried him out of the kitchen, though he was tired he had a spring in his step. "Which door's the bedroom then?"

"It's the third one along." Bilbo informed him, leaning into Dwalin's chest. Dwalin walked down the corridor until he found the correct door and pushed it open. Inside was a plush and comfy looking doubled bed, though his toes may stick out the end if he were to lay down, Dwalin thought it looked mighty fine. (Speaking of mighty fine) Dwalin lowered Bilbo carefully to the bed. "Thanks for that."Bilbo smiled, sitting up and patting the spot next to him. Taking his hint Dwalin sat down across from him.

"Here Bilbo, have you ever pleasured another male with your hands before?"He looked over at the flaming red hobbit.

"Never another male, no."

"But you have pleasured yourself before, haven't you?" The tips of Bilbo's ears turned pink but through his flustered embarrassment, Bilbo nodded. Taking Bilbo's hands in his own he showed Bilbo how to massage his cock into peaking, hard and ready. One hand moving up and down the shaft and giving a small twist at the top, his other hand rolling his testicles, one on top of the other and then reversing. He groaned and moaned, feeling himself harden for the final time that night.

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Bilbo felt Dwalin's hands leave his. Still moving his hands the way Dwalin had shown him, Bilbo felt it swelling until it's head pushed it's way up, hardening Dwalin in his hands. "Ready?" Dwalin questioned with a satisfied smirk on his face.

"I'm ready!" Dwalin then lifted him up off the bed and lowering him down until Bilbo could feel the tip pressing impatiently against his anus. He braced himself. Dwalin slowly lowered him down, his anus engulfing the large throbbing penis. He flung his arms around Dwalin's neck as he was pushed up and down, his own penis rubbing against Dwalin's abs. Bilbo huffed in air, feeling himself hardening while Dwalin picked up the pace. Dwalin's dwarfhood rubbing up inside him, faster and faster. Bilbo tightened his grip around Dwalin but the dwarf didn't seem to mind. He didn't know how much longer he was going to last and for the stiffening inside him and, the look on Dwalin said he wasn't going to last much longer either. "Bilbo ... cumming. "The dwarf gasped, his checks visibly red, even through his thick black beard. 

"I'm cumming too ... Dwalin, I love you!" Bilbo shouted and then groaning together, they both cam and fell backwards onto the bed. And promptly fell asleep.


	5. Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo had so much stuff to do. First he had to clean up after late nights ... erm ... well ... yes. Then he had to prepare food for not just himself and Dwalin but twelve, no doubt, hungry dwarves and a wizard. And there was no time to waste as one of them could turn up at any point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the last couple of chapters because that's it for smut for a bit but it shall return, in due course.   
> 3 cheers to you guys, for your support. Seriously, it really makes my day when I wake up and see so many people enjoying the stuff I write. :D
> 
> Fluff! Lots of fluff! Fluff to stuff a thousand cuddly toys!  
> Food prep and slight food porn.
> 
> Remember, you can comment and leave suggestions in the comments section.

Dwalin woke to the sound of gentle breathing, radiating into his chest. Looking down he spotted his Bilbo, fast asleep and snuggled up to his chest like a tiny kitten; curled up on a king sized bed. Carefully as to not wake him, Dwalin slipped the hobbit onto the bed next to him and climbed out of bed. With his fingers moving quickly, releasing one of his braids. In his hand lay two beads and a metal clasp, one bead was black with gold and silver etching weaving in and out of one another and, the other bead was a simple silver bead with the name "Fundin" etched in black lettering. Dwalin smiled, despite their bland looks when compared to his other beads, they were his favorite. The second bead being his claim to the Fundin family and the other. It had been a gift from his mother for his coming of age party. He sighed at the happy memory and walked back to the bed. Picking up three of Bilbo's thin curls, he began to weave them together and, sliding the beads on; he closed the metal clasp tight around the hairs. Leaning down, he placed a kiss just above Bilbo's ear and whispered "I love you." before leaving the room to find the bathroom. 

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Bilbo had been dreaming when Dwalin's voice had come into his thought, proclaiming his love for Bilbo but when Bilbo opened his eyes, Dwalin was nowhere to be seen. Bilbo giggled to himself as he remembered the events of the night before. He could just imagine the scandalized faces of the Baggins family "You did what with a dwarf?!". Looking around the room, he took in the horrifying state it was in. "Yavanna above, look at the mess!" Jumping out of bed, Bilbo was about to start cleaning when he notice he wasn't in a much better state. "First a quick bath then I'll clean up." 

After his bath, Bilbo quickly dressed in clean clothing and filled up his old metal bucket with hot water. With bucket, sponge and mop; Bilbo began cleaning Bag End. Getting down on his knees and, wringing out excess water from his sponge, Bilbo swatted it down on his front step and started scrubbing it backwards and forwards. Usually, Bilbo would clean all his steps but from what Dwalin had told him the night before, they were expecting more uninvited guests, who could arrive anytime. "Need a hand?" Came a gruff voice from behind him. Looking at the doorway, Bilbo spotted Dwalin smiling at him from round the door.

"Oh Dwalin, good morning. Erm ... well, oh yes. Dwalin there's a wicker basket in the kitchen, if you strip the bed for me and put the basket near the tub, in the kitchen. I'd be very grateful." Dwalin shook his head and placed his hands on his hips.

"We may not look it but us dwarves are quiet good at housekeeping. So don't worry about the laundry, Bilbo. I'll have it washed and hung out to dry in no time." And with that and before Bilbo could protest, Dwalin marched off towards the kitchen. (Ah well, less work for me anyway) Bilbo then turned back to the front step and continued scrubbing. Bilbo cleaned his way up the corridor, scrubbing away Dwalin's muddy footprints and the erm ... other mess. Opening the kitchen door and stepping inside, Bilbo walked around the table a started to mop up the mess on the tiles.

"You almost done cleaning, Bilbo?" Dwalin asked placing down an empty basket.

"Oh yes, almost finished, just need to tip out this water, um were's the laundry?"

"Hung out on the line, to dry." Dwalin smirked at Bilbo's startled face. "I told, us dwarves are very handy with the housework. Any other jobs you want me to do?"

"What ... oh yes, how many dwarves did you say were coming?"

"Well, at least twelve I reckon and Gandalf besides. So thirteen in total."

"Well then, if you could find more chairs for the table that would be grand and, well I guess I should get to cooking then." Bilbo picked up the bucket, now filled with black and filthy water; tipped the water away, down the sink. Cleaning out both the bucket and the sink, Bilbo washed his hands and went in search of food.

Bilbo returned moments later with a tray full of a whole variety of foods, from your everyday garden potatoes to the pork shoulder he had picked up at the market the day before. Bilbo had originally intended the shoulder for the counsel of elders meeting on Thursday but since he wasn't going to be here, Bilbo decided it would be a waste not to use it. Setting his oven alight, Bilbo unwrapped the pork from it paper wrapping and picking his cooking knife; he scored the fat diagonally. Taking some of his rock salt, Bilbo massaged it into the fat. Out of his cupboard, Bilbo pulled out his roasting tray and a wire rack, he usually used the wire rack for resting baked goods on but had found it worked well with helping to cook meats. He placed the wire rack in the bottom of the roasting tray and placed the pork on top. Placing the pork into his oven, Bilbo washed his hands and knife and unwrapped a plucked and prepared chicken. The butcher had already plucked and beheaded the bird but Bilbo had asked him politely, to remove the giblets. After all who had time to waste faffing around, plucking a chicken if you're not going to be paid for it. Bilbo placed his hand inside the chicken, moving it from side to side under it's skin, being careful not to tear it. Once loose, Bilbo stuffed it with three bay leaves and placing it on another tray and, placed it in the oven.

"I found some chairs, Bilbo. Where should I put them?"Dwalin came in through the door, carrying a stack of chairs with him.

"If you could put them around the table that would be good."Bilbo answered not looking away from his work. He had once again washed his hands but with a smaller knife he was now cutting a lemon into thin circles. Unwrapping an uncooked cod, Bilbo intricately placed the lemon circles so that they just overlapped one another. Then, melting butter in a pan, Bilbo removed his pastry brush from his draw and painted the butter over the lemons. Placing the fish dish to one side, to wait for the other meats to cook, Bilbo began work on the vegetables. (After all what was a roast without roast potatoes, carrots and boiled peas)Bilbo thought for a moment (Or do dwarves have mash potatoes with their roast). He had heard of the hobbits in Bree having mash potatoes with their roast and, well to Bilbo's mind at least, it didn't sound right but each to their own.

Bilbo jumped as a hand clutched his backside. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya." Dwalin pressed his cheek against Bilbo's, "You have anything else you want doing?"

Bilbo was about to answer "no" until his stomach interrupted him with a fierce growl and, he remembered that he hadn't eaten yet. "If you wouldn't mind, could you make something to eat. I'm afraid with all the work to be done, I haven't eaten."

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"No problem." Dwalin nuzzled Bilbo's neck, kissing it lightly where it joined onto the shoulder. Releasing his grip on the firm rump, Dwalin headed to the pantry in search of something quick and simple to eat. You see, Dwalin was good at most things. Cleaning, fighting, giving orders, training other soldiers but he was no chef. Rustic and basic were his to main ingredients in any dish and, if they didn't like they could wear it. He at least tried. That why he had such an admiration for those who could. Dwalin found half a loaf of bread and some boiled ham and, head back to the kitchen. After all who didn't like a nice, simple ham sandwich. In the kitchen Bilbo was wiping down the work surface, several pans sat on the hop, ready to boil. Two filled with potatoes, one filled with carrots and filled with peas. Dwalin turned to the table rather than the work surface to make their sandwiches as he didn't want to mess up Bilbo's, now clean surface. Taking a knife from a draw, Dwalin sliced nice, thick slices and scooping some butter off of Bilbo's platter, spread the butter across the four slices. Layering on the ham on two of the slices, he then covered it with the other slice. "Get yer gob round that."Dwalin handed Bilbo his sandwich before digging into his own. The bread was soft and springy to the touch and the ham was flavorsome and moist. Dwalin had noticed that a lot of ham had a problem of being overcooked and had lost it juice, making it very dry and, often causing them to shrivel. But this sandwich, though it wasn't something grand like a souffle, it was still pretty good. In his opinion anyway.


	6. Balin, Fili and Kili, oh my!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First came the ever polite Balin then the mischievous Fili and Kili.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to write first impressions of each of the dwarves as they enter Bag End and, their reactions to Bilbo and Dwalin being married.  
> Suggestive behavior.
> 
> No but seriously, you guys and gals are awesome! :3
> 
> Feel free to leave comments and suggestions in the comment section. XD

Bilbo removed the pork from the oven and replaced it with the cod, placing it down to cool enough for him to carve. Bilbo started to boil the carrots. Pulling out a small tray, he gave it a thin layer of oil and, set it aside. Draining the now boiled carrots, Bilbo rolled them in honey and laid them onto the oil covered tray, ready for the oven. Going over to the pork, he snapped off some of the crackling that had been formed by the salt rub into the fat. Braking the crackling in half, he handed half to Dwalin.  
"Cheers."Dwalin thanked him, crunching it audibly between his teeth, Bilbo's lips curved upwards at sound. He then crunched down on his own deliciously, salty, piece; grease running down his fingers which he promptly licked clean. "Oy, my little grease monkey!" Dwalin called, mischievously, "I got something for yer." He turned to face Dwalin and spotted him offering up his slightly grease covered hand.  With only the slightest hesitation, Bilbo approached the hand and began to lick it clean. His tongue dipped in and out of the webbing, licking up the length of the finger before running his tongue around the tip. He then engulf the finger fully into his mouth and, sucked on it gently then slowly pulling his mouth away; he turn rose red when he realized what he had just done. A hand pushed his chin upwards till his and Dwalin's eyes met "You've got a pretty, pink tongue there, Bilbo. Shame to waste it."

Bilbo straightened himself out. "Now, now no more talk of that, there's no time to be fooling around." Bilbo then went to busy himself with carving the pork.

"Shame really, I would love to have tested the durability of this table." Bilbo froze halfway through carving and was about to argue the impracticality of such a suggestion when there was a knock on the door.

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Balin stood outside the round green door, admiring the scenery when he noticed how remarkably clean the front step was in comparison with the others. (Well that's strange, to say the least) Balin then looked back at the door as it opened to reveal a curly hair hobbit. "Balin, at you service" He bowed to the hobbit. Then he spotted the braid, he recognized the beads on it as Dwalin's, immediately. His brain took the two pieces and slotted them together, to form the full picture, (Dirty devil) he chuckled to himself.

"Oh, Bilbo Baggins at yours. You must be Dwalin's brother, please do come in." Bilbo then moved to the side to allow Balin entrance. Balin enter the house and followed Bilbo to the kitchen were his little brother sat on the table, smirking at him, like a child who had been up to mischief.

"By my beard, your shorter and wider than last we met." Dwalin greeted him, climbing down from the table and towering over Balin.

"Wider, not shorter, sharp enough for both of us." Chuckling together, they grasped one another's shoulders and whacked their foreheads together.

"Oh, erm sorry to interrupt but would you like something to drink while tea is cooking?" Bilbo offered, peering at him with slight confusion.

"That's be grand, laddie." Balin replied with a smile and watched Bilbo walked off to find them drinks. "So brother, it seems congratulations are in order."

"Cut the crap Balin. I know you're holding back a long winded speech about knowing someone before you marry them." Dwalin starred at him, "Go on then."

"Not this time."

"Ha! I knew ... what?"

"Usually, I'd be concerned and, as you put it, I would give you a "long winded speech" about this sort of thing. But the lad, Bilbo, he seams nice enough. And I have no concerns with you." Balin sighed, "I know you'll probably never let me live this down but ... your an honorable dwarf, Dwalin. And, I know you'll do right by him. So you have my congratulations and my blessing and I wish you both well."

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Dwalin knew he was staring but he couldn't help because in all honesty he'd half expected Balin to give him an earful but then for him to congratulate him and give him his blessing on top of that. He was however, broken out of his thought by Bilbo walking in with two full tankards in his hands. "I thought since it's a special occasion, we'd have honey mead, instead." 

"Cheers, laddie." Balin took his offered tankard, "Much obliged."

"Thanks, how long ago did you put that chicken in the oven?"Dwalin laughter at Bilbo's shocked expression as he ran of to save the chicken from the oven.

"Oh thank Yavanna, it didn't burn." Bilbo placed the chicken on the work surface to cool and pushed in the carrots, closing the oven door behind them.

"Looks good," Balin praised.

"You should have seen what he cooked yesterday, Brother. Roast perch with boiled new potatoes. Delicious!" Dwalin raised his tankard to Bilbo in cheers.

At that moment, there was a knock at the door. "I'll get it." Bilbo called, racing off to answer the door.

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Fili stood outside the round green door with his younger brother Kili, who was at this moment bouncing up and down on his heals. "Ki stop that." Fili scolded in a hushed tone.

"Sorry, I'm just hungry and, need to distract myself before I faint." Kili apologized, griping his stomach.

"I know Ki. But we'll be fed soon, just hold on." Fili smiled at his brother. It had been a long journey from their home in the Blue Mountain and it had been a while since they had eaten a decent meal. He just hoped they had got the right address.

The door slowly opened to a small, curly haired, slightly rounded halfling. "Fili." Fili started.

"And Kili." Kili joined in.

"At yeh service." They bowed. "You must be mister Boggins" Kili stated with a goofy grin.

"Erm, it's Baggins, actually." The hobbit corrected him, "Bilbo Baggins at your service, please come in." And stepping aside, Kili and Fili strutted into Bag End. Pulling out his daggers, swords and throwing knives, he placed them into the hobbits arms. "Careful with these, I've just got them sharpened." Fili warned placing the last of the knives in the halflings arms.

"Oy!" Dwalin's voice came booming in from the kitchen. "What are you doing. Bilbo's not your bloody butler, care for them yer self." Dwalin walked over to Bilbo and took Fili's weapons and dropped them into Fili's arms. Dwalin then pulled Bilbo to his side. "You okay Bilbo?"

"I'm fine, thanks Dwalin." Bilbo panted, those weapons had been heavy.

"Oh, so it is you two." Came a voice from further down the corridor, they turned to see Balin standing there. "And I see you've met Dwalin's lovely, husband Bilbo, our gracious host for this evening."

"Husband?!"Kili jumped into the air with shock," I didn't know you got married."

"Nobody told us." Fili stated lining his weapons up against the wall.

"Well, don't worry about that now, come and get yourselves something to drink, tea'll be ready soon. "Bilbo announced happily, pulling Dwalin by the hand into the kitchen.


	7. The Brothers Ri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They stood on the doorstep in front of the green. Dori looking himself over trying to present himself as respectable while all the time fusing over both Nori and Ori. Nori was trying his best to ignore his fusspot of an older brother. And little Ori ... well he was trying his best to stay calm and collected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Over 1000 hits! 42 Kudos! 10 Bookmarks! 25 Subscriptions! : J  
> And as always thanks to the guys and gals in the comments section. You guys rock!  
> Brief food porn. And more food prep.  
> Merry and content dwarves, I promise!
> 
> And as always feel free to leave comments and suggestions in the comments section. :]

Bilbo teamed out two more tankards of honey mead and passed them into the waiting hands of Fili and Kili, who gulped it down, noisily. "Careful lads not so fast, it'll give you indigestion. "He warned, a concerned look in his eyes.  
"Sorry Mr Baggins, it's just we haven't had a good drink for a while." Kili apologized, sheepishly looking at his brother to back him up. "And ... Gandalf said there'd be food." He almost whined.  
Fili sighed, "It has been a while since we drank something this good Mr Baggins but we are sorry for being so brisk." He looked down at his tankard which was almost empty already. It sadden him to think how desperate and needy they must seem to Bilbo.  
"No, no lads you misunderstand."Bilbo chimed in, "I'm not saying don't drink, I'm just worried you'll make yourselves sick, that's all. And as for food." Bilbo turned to the shelf behind him and pulled a small bowl full of ripe red apples, freshly picked not two days ago. "You can snack on these until tea is ready. But don't fill up, mind. Or you won't have room for your tea."  
"What are they Fi?"Kili held an apple close to his face, turning it over and over, examining it.  
"I'm not sure, Ki. I think I've seen them hanging on trees on our way here." Fili answered taking the basket of apples off Bilbo and, looked scrupulously at them individually.  
"You don't know what apples are?"Bilbo puzzled, it flummoxed him completely, after all apples where bountiful in The Shire. Bilbo thought for a second how to properly describe apples to someone that had never seen one before. "Well, do you boys at least know what potatoes are?"  
"Of course we know what potatoes are Mr Baggins, they come from the ground, like emeralds." Kili piped in cheerfully.  
"Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew."Fili and Kili sang merrily together which quickly dissolved into laughter.  
"Well, apples are like the potatoes of trees. If you get my meaning."That seemed to gauge there understanding as they gave an audible "Oh!" Then with caution, Kili brought his apple close to his lips and bite down with a crunch.  
"How are they Ki?" Fili questioned watching his brother's reaction with bated breath.  
"Fi they're good!"Kili smiled, happily, "Not as good as meat. But they're really sweet and juicy. Try one Fi." Fili search the basket of apples and, spotting a particularly polished looking one, he picked it up by the stork and crunched down with his eager teeth. It's juice dribbled down the sides of his mouth, the sweetness licking it's way across his taste buds, Fili swallowed. "They're not bad." Fili stated genuine surprise in his voice before taking another mouthful.  
"I'll leave you two to it then." Bilbo grinned, clapping his hands together, "Oh and boys, you can call me Bilbo if you want, I'd don't mind."Heading back to the kitchen, Bilbo's grin only grow when he heard Balin and Dwalin, roaring with laughter. Yes, this is what Bilbo liked, none of that stilted and awkward conversation with the Baggises, his grandmother asking when he was going to get married. And Lobelia trying her magic tricks on his cutlery. No, none of that. Just pure merriness, that's what Bilbo Baggins loves. He hummed a small tune his mother had taught him as a child about a tree who grew legs and, taking up his knife, he carved the rest of the pork. Removing a long silver platter from it's hiding place behind three cooking books and giving it a quick wipe down, Bilbo started to layer the pork onto the tray. This was a special occasion after all, only the best for his guest.

Removing the wire wrack from the now cooled tray, Bilbo poured it's contents into a measuring jug and taking some pork stock cubes, he added them to the meat juices; crushing them with his wooded spoon. He stirred the mixture until the stock cubes had completely dissolved and, pouring out some of the carrot water he added it to the pan, ready to heat up later. "Need a hand?"Dwalin urged, kissing his temple tenderly.  "I'm no chef by any means but something, simple. Simple I can do." Bilbo looked around for something for Dwalin to do. Potatoes! Of coarse, dwarves knew how cook potatoes. And if he needed a hand Bilbo was right there to help.

"Could you boil the potatoes for me?"Bilbo pointed to the two pans full of potatoes. Dwalin smirked, setting the hop ablaze.

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"What were you planning to do with these then?"Dwalin queried, watching the water for signs of bubbling.

"Well, one is for roast potatoes and the other is for mashed potatoes." Bilbo explained while carving the chicken, "I didn't know whether dwarves had roast potatoes with their roast meat or not."

"They'd eat anything you put in front of them, most of them probably haven't had a decent meal for years."Dwalin pressed his forehead to Bilbo's, "I know I hadn't until I came here." Bilbo pushed his forehead back against Dwalin's. (Besides if they didn't eat it, they could answer to Grasper and Keeper). "What do you want me to do when the potatoes when they've boiled enough?"

"oh, when they've done boiling, if you could pour out the water but keep them in their pans."Bilbo then treated Dwalin to a most wonderful site, when he bent down to remove the fish from the oven. "I'll do the roast potatoes but you can help by doing the mash potatoes, you seem to have the muscles for it." Dwalin beamed at his appraisal, puffing out his chest, proudly. Then turning back to the potatoes he waited for them to boil. After he was able to stick a knife into them with ease, Dwalin decided they had boiled enough and poured the water down the plug hole making sure not to drop a single one. "Now, if you leave one pan to the side, I'll roast them in a minute but as for the others; there should be some cream, add about three tablespoons and, a knob of butter." Dwalin looked over both pans before placing one off to the side, he then found the cream and he poured what he estimated to be about three tablespoons. He wasn't sure. But then picking up his poking knife he cut a, what he guessed was a "knob" of butter and put that into the pan. He was then handed a flat oval shaped piece of metal which was riddled with holes and, had a rounded hand coming off of it. "Use that to mash the potatoes. I need you to make them as soft and fluffy as possible." Dwalin nodded and went to work.

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Bilbo had placed both the chicken and fish onto silver platters of their own, ready to serve. Bilbo, using the tray he had used for the pork and adding half an inch of oil placed the tray into the oven, to heat the oil. Bilbo then found his small tub of semolina, opening it, he added two heaped tablespoons to the pan. Covering the pan with it's lid, he rattle the potatoes around in the pan until covered. He noticed Dwalin's raised brow and answered, "Took family recipe." Dwalin nodded, shrugged his shoulders and turned back to what he was doing. Pulling the now heated tray of oil out of the oven, he carefully placed each potato in the oil and gave them a cover of two tablespoons of the hot oil over them. And as to not slosh the oil out of the tray, Bilbo placed them back into the oven to roast. Then there was a knock at the door. "I'll get it!" he called racing off to great more visitors.

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Dori, Nori and Ori stood outside the round, green door, waiting for someone to answer it and allow them in. Dori looked down at himself  pulling away loose threads from his clothing, checking his finger nails. "Nori, remember to keep your hands to yourself." He warned.

"The house belongs to a burglar, Dori. If I  did take anything from here, you could count it a karma."Nori quipped, rolling his eyes.

"No, I shan't. If he is a burglar that doesn't mean we have to lower ourselves to his standards. Besides, I don't want you to get into anymore trouble. Not tonight of all nights."Dori countered turning to his youngest brother, he continued "And Ori dear, try not to twiddle your fingers. I know it's a nervous habit of yours, but do try."Ori froze mid-twiddling and looked at his hands in shock. Dori signed, it had been just two years after the fall of Erebor that they had lost their mother. And, Dori had been left with the task of raising a rebellious teenager, who would often run off for days at a time and caring for a baby dwarf who hadn't even learnt to speak yet. And he knew mothered them both too much, especially Ori but he couldn't help, they were his baby brothers. And nothing would change that no matter how many time Nori got into trouble or Ori wobbling so much over his words you'd guess he was made of jelly. 

Dori was interrupted from his thoughts by the door opening. Behind the door stood a rather charming looking chap, standing there in a lightly, stripped shirt, brown trousers and suspenders. How charming. But Dori kept his face straight, after all he had been fooled once by an adorable face before and, that was his own brother. "Dori, at your service."Dori bowed.

"Nori, at your service."Nori bowed.

"O ... Ori!"Ori bowed. Dori signed again. He didn't blame his brother for his nervousness, he'd always been a nervous child.

"Bilbo Baggins, at your service."Bilbo answered bowing back then opening the door wider, he ushered them inside.

"Forgive the lad, he's of nervous disposition."Dori excused.

"Oh no, it's okay. I was a nervous child myself."Bilbo beamed at him and he felt himself smiling as well.

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Nori had noticed it as soon as he walked into the light of the house, "Fundin" inscribed on a metal bead braided into the hobbits hair. That to Nori only meant one thing. The captain of the kings guard, Dwalin was here and this was his husband. Well, he guessed it could have been Balin's but he very much doubted it. He'd have to watch himself, no matter how much his fingers twitched, he didn't fancy his chances when faced with the pure hurricane of destruction that was Dwalin son of Fundin.

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Ori felt silly, like a scared looking hedgehog when faced with a rabid dog. He pulled his mittens back under his sleeves. He didn't like feeling so silly, especially when meeting someone important to their quest. He wondered if the hobbit was a burglar. He didn't look like a burglar. At least not to Ori. He thought he looked friendly and very polite.

"Ori! Ori!"Ori snapped out of his thoughts and was greeted by Kili, holding a basket of red things, Ori had never seen before. "Ori, these are called "Apples" Bilbo says they're the "Potatoes of tree's" but they're really sweet and juicy. I've already had three. You should try one."Kili urged placing the basket under Ori's nose. Ori picked one up, curiously. They were red and shiny and very tasty. Ori wasn't a fan of trying knew foods, especially the green and leafy kind. But if Kili liked it, it could be that bad. Taking a deep breath, Ori bite into the apple. His taste buds danced happily as a symphony  of taste chorused in his mouth.


	8. The Tongue Of Old, The Chef And The Toy Maker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo was well and truly puzzled. He couldn't understand a single work the dwarf had said but he was also slightly worried about the ax head jutting out from his temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even going to attempt to Khuzdul. Sorry, it's just too hard for my poor brain. X[  
> However, I'm going to take a leaf out of other fanfiction writers books and, instead making Bifur mute or having him deviate too far from his movie counterpart. I will be writing Khuzdul in Bold script.  
> Oh and because Yorkshire doesn't exists in the universe, Yorkshire Puddings are "Shire Puddings".  
> Hope you guys are all enjoying it so far. ;D
> 
> The comments section are open for your comments and any suggestions you may have.

Dori starred in shock at his youngest brother munched his way through the apple. He knew his brother was very particular about what he ate, so to see him try something completely new with very little prompting was amazing, to him. (At least it was something.)Dori smiled moving through into the kitchen (It was better than him eating chips all the time). "Ah, master Dori. I wasn't sure whether you were coming or not."Dori looked up and spotter Balin sat at the table, a book in his hand which he placed to the side as Dori approached him. 

"And it is good to see you again, master Balin."Dori greeted him, blushing slightly when Balin patted the seat next to him. Taking his seat next to Balin, Dori looked up at the oven were he saw Dwalin and Bilbo working together to help prepare their tea. It was then that felt a gloved hand wrap itself around his hands that sat in his lap. He looked round and met Balin's eyes.

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Balin had always admired Dori, even before the fall of their homeland and even more so after. I mean raising two dwarves and working long, hard hours to support his family but still being able to appear presentable and put a smile on his lips everyday. And, by dwarven standards Dori was seen as a rare beauty of a dwarf. He had always thought so, even when they were young and he would spot Dori wandering in the marketplace. Well, he had thought of courting the fair dwarf but then the dragon arrived and, well ... Dori had other commitments he needed to attend to and, Balin didn't want to be in the way. He had offered to help out how ever he could but Dori had refused out of sure pride. Though he admired Dori, Mahal he wasn't half stubborn. But after seeing his brother interacting with his brother in law, well. It made his heart ache, for companionship. Even, if Dori did not reciprocate his feelings, the company and moments they shared, though often brief, were always welcome. "Master Dori, you look well, how are you?"

"I am well, thank you. How are you?"Dori replied in hushed tone, turning more scarlet under Balin's gaze. Balin squeezed his hand, in what he hoped was a reassuring manner. 

"I'm well now that you're here."Balin whispered into Dori's ear. 

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Dwalin watched over his shoulder as his brother finally seemed to be making headway with Dori. He remembered even as a child back in Erebor, seeing his brother drooling over Dori and sighing over how beautiful he was. Dwalin didn't really see Dori that way but he could understand why his brother and others found him attractive. His hair and beard were always amazingly, woven and styled. His clothes despite having the same three sets of clothes for the past five years, always looked presentable. He was a hard worker, he knew about rearing children and, on top of all that he had a figure most dwarf women would die for.

Turning back to the mash, he offered it up for Bilbo's inspection, "Do you think it's ready yet, Bilbo?" Bilbo looked up from removing the carrots from the oven, peering into the pan. He place the tray on the side and pulled out a teaspoon, scooping out a bit of the potato and tasted it.

"Needs just a pinch of pepper."Bilbo then reached past Dwalin and taking a pinch of pepper he dashed it into the pan. Dwalin then mashed the pepper into the potatoes. Quickly, rinsing the  spoon, Bilbo scooped out another bit of potato and offered it up to Dwalin, who took it into his mouth. The butter had melted and intertwined with the cream as they burst in through the taste of the potatoes and that small pop of pepper at the end. Dwalin mouth craved for more than this brief teasing but he restrained himself after all, there was more than just him to feed.

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Nori watch from the shadows of the doorway. Looking over at his older brother as he and Balin made small talk together. He rolled his eyes, a grin playing at his lips. Despite his often strained relationship with his older brother, the fact was he did care him. Though he would never admit it. After all, who had chased off those suitors that came flaunting themselves at his brother, looking at him like he was a piece of meat. Or had children from previous relationships and wanted someone to dump them on, so they could go out boozing.  Or worse of all, the creepers who wanted what they couldn't have but Nori had made short work of them, all the while Dori remained oblivious to way his body made both female and male dwarves feel. But here and now Dori sat merrily chatting to Balin about current situations. And Nori liked Balin, even though his brother was captain of the guard, because Balin treated Dori like a dwarf. Not some trophy to compete over. He just wished that Balin was as fast a mover as his brother seemed to be in, when it came to marriage. Speaking of Balin's Brother, Nori watched as Bilbo and Dwalin worked together and, Nori couldn't help but smirk. If Bilbo was a burglar then he was an elf, either that or he was a damn good actor.

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Ori sat away from the others, sketching in his notebook, he was drawing a apple he had managed to scavenged before Fili and Kili had devoured it. He had enjoyed the one he had been given but he knew that Dori would've scolded him for ruining his tea if he ate to much beforehand, especially considering what Mr Baggins was feeding them. He loved drawing and writing and the apple was a very good model, it didn't scowl at him for taking so long, it sat still and did not move and held it's pose. Ori liked how it shone in the candle light and even though he knew many would regard drawing an apple to be a rather boring and thankless affair. But hey, it was good practice.

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 Bilbo pulled out his mixing bowl and adding: flour, milk, water and eggs, he whisked it all together into a light cream batter. Finding his muffin tin, berried under his frying pans, using some butter he lightly greased the tin. Bilbo then carefully poured out the batter into each individual segment until they were halfway full. With a little help from Dwalin who removed the roast potatoes from the oven, Bilbo replaced it with the muffin tray. "What's that yer cooking, now?"Dwalin inquired staring after the tin.

"Shire Puddings, they're quiet traditional to have with a roast."Bilbo shut the oven."Though traditionally you have them on Sundays but I'll make an except this once." Bilbo beamed at Dwalin who simply rolled his was a chuckle, shaking his head. Bilbo was about to serve up the carrots when there came a knocking on his door. "I'll get it!" And with that he dashed for the door.

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Bifur stood outside the round green door, admiring the fine craftsmanship that must have gone into the houses' creation. Not many people cared for the time and effort that went into making something that appeared rather simple on the outside but was often much more complicated underneath. As a toy maker it annoyed him when his works of art and hard complicated craft would be sold, only to be thrown away when something new came out. 

Next to him stood his younger cousins, Bofur and Bombur. Bofur shared his work as a toy maker whereas Bombur was a chef and, had once worked in the grand kitchens of the Iron Hills. In Bifur's own opinion there wasn't many that could cast a shadow on Bombur's cooking. And as for Bofur, well he was fun to have around and he was a hard worker when it came down to it but he was a little bit lightheaded sometimes, like he was wondering through the clouds above.

Suddenly, the round green door flung open, to reveal a small structured being with hairy feet and suspenders. "Bofur, at yer service." Bofur bowed.

"Bombur, at your service."Bombur bowed.

" **Bifur, at your service and, to that of your family.** "Bifur bowed. Lifting his head, Bifur notice a confused expression greeted him.

"He said "Bifur at your service and your families." Bofur interjected, helpfully, bowing again.

"Bilbo Baggins, at your."Bilbo greeted them before standing aside and allowing them into his house.


	9. The Banker And The Medic

Bifur's eyes roamed over the fine beams and arches of the house. " **My, what a fine house, master Baggins. Did it cost a lot to have made? Or is it inherited?** " At the confused look he received, he turned to his cousin for help, once more.

"He says, he likes your house and, wants to know if you had it made for you or if you inherited?" Bofur interpreted, with a smiled. Bifur nodded to his words and turned back to Bilbo, listening for the answer.

"Oh right, well you see I did inherit this house from my mother and father but originally, my father had made it for my mother as a courting gift."Bilbo explained, opening the door to the kitchen wide and stepping to the side to allow them entrance. Bifur was fascinated, he wondered if building one's love a house as a courtship present was normal by hobbit standards. But he was tired from his journey and such questions could wait after a rest and, something to eat.

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Bilbo stared after the dwarves, well that was a first, he was slightly worried about the ax protruding from Bifur's head but he put it firmly out of his mind and headed back to plating up the food he had cooked for them. Taking up a smaller platter, Bilbo plated up the honey roasted carrots and setting them aside, he handed Dwalin a bowl and spoon. Dwalin wasted no time, scooping the soft and fluffy mash into the bowl while Bilbo plated up the roast potatoes which had crisped up beautifully, their bases a golden brown colour. He smiled, proudly at what he and Dwalin had accomplished so far as he started bringing the cooked dishes over to the table. He returned to the oven and set the hobs under the gravy and peas, bringing them to the boil and he checked on his Shire puddings. Finding them nicely browned and coming away from the tins sides, having doubled in their size; Bilbo placed them carefully, onto the side to cool. He felt the now familiar hand wrap itself around one of Bilbo's arse cheeks, giving it a friendly squeeze. "Anything else you want doing Bilbo?"He asked, his nose nuzzling Bilbo's neck, making Bilbo's face heat up.

"Well, the Shire puddings just need turning out, the gravy and peas need to be served up." Bilbo brought his fist to his mouth in thought. "Oh, I know. Could you make sure everyone has a drink, I almost forgot." Dwalin kissed the nape of Bilbo's neck and pulled away to go about his work.

"Now then you horrible lot, who needs a drink and who needs a refill."Dwalin leered at the others, playfully. There was a happy cheer from the other dwarves and a few chuckles. Bilbo shuck his head a giggle of his own pressing his lips as he carefully slid his knife around each individual, Shire pudding; lifting them from the tin and stacking them into a bowl of their own. He was about to drain the peas when, there was a knock on the door. "I'll get it!" He called, heading to the door.  

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Gloin and Oin stood outside the round, green, door. They had had a long and arduous journey here for Ered Luin but his brother, both a medic of the highest caliber and a soothsayer, had predicted that they would have a fine rest, food and had said something about "golden curls" and "marriage" and something called "Shire puddings". Now, he may not get along with his older brother sometimes but he always trusted his brother's judgement and held them aloft above most others, though at the time they often didn't make much sense. Gloin was brought out of his thoughts however by the door opening to reveal, a golden headed hobbit, curls spiraling down to just above the lads shoulders. Gloin looked to his brother, who smiled knowingly back at him.

"Gloin, at yer service."Gloin, bowed to the hobbit.

"Oin, at yer service."Oin bowed, placing his ear trumpet to his ear, awaiting the hobbit's greeting.

"Bilbo Baggins, at yours."The hobbit bowed back to them, ushering them inside his home. "Please, this way to the kitchen." The lad then walked down the corridor, pulling open another round door, leading them into a brightly light kitchen, full of merry looking dwarves sat round a table tankards in hand. "Your just in time for tea." And Gloin and his brother happily joined the throng of dwarves, a tankard full of mead, pressed into their hands.

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Bilbo smiled at how easily the two newest arrivals settled in among their fellow dwarves, roaring with laughter and swapping stories. It warmed his heart. Counting the dwarves off on his fingers and came to the realization, they were two short. "We're missing one more dwarf and Gandalf."Bilbo announced to Dwalin.

"Uncle's going to be a bit late getting here. He's meeting with the dwarves of the Iron Hill. He should arrive soon though."Fili answered Bilbo's worry. "I'm guessing Gandalf won't be that long either."With that in mind, he turned back to draining the peas while Dwalin fetched him a bowl to serve them in. Spooning the peas into the bowl, hovering over the pan as to not drop one onto the floor. Then adding a knob of butter which melted it's way down their sides, he served the rest of the dishes, with exception to the gravy. Taking out his gravy boat, he filled it with most of the gravy in the pan, leaving some to heat up later when the other two turned up, after all; who wanted cold gravy. Setting it down gently on his table, Bilbo pulled out fifteen plates, with help from Dwalin, of course. He placed a plate in front each dwarf, two placed in front of two vacant chairs, for himself and Dwalin. With the finale two, he filled them with a variety of different foods and set them aside; for when the other two finally arrived. Dwalin came to the table carrying knives and forks and helped Bilbo set them out on the table before sitting side by side at the table.

"Well, tuck in then."Bilbo prompted with a toothy, smile. Needing no further invitation, the dwarves dug in, passing the dishes around the table; taking their pick of what they wanted. Bilbo helped himself the roast pork, some roast potatoes, peas, carrots, two Shire puddings and, topped it all with some gravy. He sighed, contently as he began eating. There were satisfied and happy moans around the table, as they cleaned their plates. Bilbo cut into one of his roast potatoes, resealing a pocket of steam and revealing fluffy, white, potato. Rubbing it in the pork gravy, he brought it into his mouth. The semolina and oil had created a fine coat around soft, potato, Bilbo's teeth crunching against the crisp, base; the rich, pork gravy gently caressing itself against the fluff of the potato. He groan at the taste and felt a soft kiss at the tip of his pointed ear. Yes, today despite being tiring, had been wonderful and he was so glad to have such good company at his table.


End file.
